Celebrate Every Relationship
Relationship is never easy. Born into one, getting into another and yet another and maintaining them through offer some of the greatest challenges in life. Relationship of blood and ‘in law’ are obvious ones but it is difficult to categorize a whole lot of other relationships born out of association, affection, love and companionship. Where do you put your friend or a person who has won your affection or love, short-lived though it may be, or someone you have simply been infatuated with? Please do not go into the morals of the question, into analysing whether it is right or wrong. Just take it as it is and try to find an answer. I for one do not have any answer to this question. What I know, however, is that every relationship whether of blood or ‘in law’ or of any other origin needs to be nurtured. You cannot take any of the relationship for granted. It is never enough merely to love, you must also find ways to communicate your love if you want any relationship to remain meaningful. Who says love means not ever having to say you are sorry? You are dealing here not with divinity but with humanity. Naturally, there are expectations and you have to take care of them. Yes, degree of expectation varies from relationship to relationship but it remains a constant, nevertheless.
I was recently in India on home leave to celebrate the golden jubilee wedding anniversary of my ‘parents in law’. It was, indeed, a great event for which all their children and grand children as well as other relatives and friends had gathered. Married in a leap year on February 29, the anniversary couple had hardly any choice in celebrating the event on February 28 itself. The celebration even by a modest standard was on a grand scale. That aside, the occasion gave me a great opportunity to observe various relationships at work with all the attendant dynamics of egos, expectations and sacrifices. I also got an opportunity for self introspection, particularly when my wife, my brothers in law and their wives asked me to speak on the occasion. They all had certain thoughts and feelings to communicate to their parents for which they wanted me as a medium. Perhaps they thought I would be able to handle the job better as I was, quite rightly, a little removed from the direct relationship of blood. It is so strange that a relationship in law becomes a relationship of blood only in the future generation. Even your relationship with your wife becomes your relationship of blood through your children. Anyway, I had my own thoughts and feelings and this is what I spoke on the occasion:
“My dear Mother in Law and dear Father in Law.
A generation has come of age since I, your favourite Son in Law (unfortunately you do not have any choice), came into your lives and another generation, too, would have been on its way if some of your grand children were fortunate to start their conjugal lives as early as you did. Well, the point I want to make here is the parenthesis put by Law in our relationship, that is to say, its very foundation being defined by a well established socio-legal system. Though I shook off the legal definition and its consequent limitation in our relationship shortly after initial years of shared awkwardness, yet the world outside and even the people present on this special occasion would still say, ‘ there stands their son in law speaking on the Golden Jubilee of their wedding’.
Well let them say what they may, you and I know where we stand vis a vis each other.
That said, let me add that it is not easy to shake off the Law all together. I stand here before you as a lawfully authorized representative of all your children to speak on their behalf and convey what they thought would be emotionally too overwhelming for them to convey.
So Mummy and Papa, we all want to start by wishing you a very very happy 50th wedding anniversary!
There are so many thoughts to convey and feelings to share on this precious occasion that it is well nigh impossible to put them in words. Nevertheless, we would make a feeble attempt to share at least some of them.
Mummy, you are priceless. You are our strength, our life force, our anchor. We would have been lost without your unquestioning support especially at those times when the waters were really turbulent in each of our lives. You have stood by us like a rock, a steadfast beacon – solid and focused. I am sure you must have had your moments of weakness and desperation but you never ever let us feel weak or desperate. Though we have often labelled you as an ‘iron lady’, yet we have always known how soft and tender you are from within. I think you know whenever we do that, we are only being indulgent and taking liberties with your motherly kindness.
Maa, no action of yours in our collective memories has ever been ordinary. We have always noticed you taking extra care of, sparing a special thought for and investing a loving touch in everything you do for us or for others. And lest you should forget, we want to reassure you that we (Prakash, Anuja and Pankaj) still remember your ‘kharpa’(wooden sandal) whenever we have a tendency to digress from the rightful path.
Papa, your ease and friendliness not only make you the King of Tamuria (native village) but also the king of our hearts. Yet the right title for you, according to us, would be to call you the king of contentment and selfless generosity. Your sense of contentment with little and your belief in generosity as well as abundance have taught us to find joy even in the simplest of things and the flimsiest of gestures. You have been a true sportsman not only in the field but also in life. We have learnt from you that a solo run in life has no meaning – the life is complete only when it is inclusive , not only of you and your children, but also of your kith and kin, of the fellow human beings.
We know you have indulged us and you have always been non-judgemental. In fact, your indulgence and non judgemental qualities have spoilt Shantu (Prakash), Baby (Anuja) and Pappu (Pankaj) so much that their tails are still not straight even after decades of having kept them in the pipes. When it comes to that, I agree with you, the dog’s tails cannot be straightened by keeping it in a pipe even for years.
Well, Mummy and Papa, together you complete and complement each other. The love between you two as a couple is something which we quote to others as an ideal love. Need we say that you have been made for each other. Papa, we have seen you taking initiatives and, Mummy, we have seen you completing them whatever be the cost or consequences. Quite a few of your initiatives have been impulsive and, apparently, impractical, but due to your faith in the fundamental goodness of things and your focus being primarily humane, you have generally been able to achieve a positive outcome.
You have always taught us by your own examples. We have seen you being grateful for the smallest of favours by others and also seen you being without expectation of returns for favours done. Though we might have been slow in picking up the threads, we want to assure you that we are proud of you as our parents and we love you. We are also happy for our children for being around to learn from you and imbibe your values. We want both of you to hold on for us to celebrate the diamond jubilee of your being together.
We are grateful to all the near and dear ones, all the friends for being their for Mummy and Papa through their pain and pleasure and we thank you all from the bottom of our hearts.”
Well, that’s it. That’s what I said and let me assure you it was not easy. Not very surprisingly, their grand children did not have any such problem. They spoke with natural ease and tonnes of feelings. Unfortunately, I do not have the texts of what Chandini, their eldest grand daughter, and Rohan, their youngest grand son, spoke but I have the SMSed text of the rhyme that Anubhav, my younger son, recited on the occasion- a rhyme he had composed only a short while ago on his handy itself:
You have taught us dignity,
You have taught us pride,
We have learnt to be responsible.
We have learnt the difference between wrong and right.
We have learnt selflessness,
We have learnt to empathize,
Being a shoulder to cry on was never enough,
You’ve taught us to reach out and embrace others in their plight.
You never hesitated to pull us up,
You never blindly took our side,
You never preached goodness to us,
It almost seems like you never tried.
It was enough just being around you
To learn all one should about life.
This night is not yet over,
We’re already looking forward to anniversary 75!!!
Now let us get on and enjoy the party,
And though you might not admit it,
I know I’m your ‘sona nati’.
“Celebrate Every Relationship”